Managing conflict

Managing Conflict with Peers
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Managing Conflict

What's Your Role?

Everyone has habitual responses to conflict, but these reactions are often not ideal. By understanding your conflict behaviors and hot buttons, you can see how you contribute to constructive as well as destructive outcomes of conflict.

"The first step to improving the way conflict is handled at work is to get clear on the role you play and why you respond the way you do," says CCL's Brenda McManigle.

Typically, people behave in a way that sets them up to play a specific role in the conflict, such as:

• Avoider — someone who ignores or denies conflict.
• Aggressor — someone who stokes conflict.
• Diplomat — someone who mediates conflict between others.
• Peacemaker — someone who tries to keep work relationships happy and calm.
• Director — someone who confronts or acknowledges conflict and works to resolve the situation.

"If you can see your behavior clearly, you have the chance to make changes," says McManigle. She suggests writing out a recent example of conflict that you experienced. Write as much detail as you can about what you said, and what you did — or did not do. Did you behave as an avoider, aggressor, diplomat, peacemaker or director? Consider how the role you played helped or hindered problem solving. Did your behavior strengthen or undermine relationships? What impact is your behavior likely to have on your effectiveness in the short term? What might the consequences be on your long-term career goals? What changes could you make?

You will also benefit from knowing what kinds of situations are most likely to create conflicts for you. In other words, what are your hot buttons? Hot buttons are behaviors that may irritate you enough to provoke you or compel you to behave in a way that is unproductive. For example, your hot buttons might get pushed when someone is unreliable or untrustworthy, abrasive or hostile, micromanaging or overly analytical.

There are many techniques, such as deep breathing, that allow you to stay in control of your emotions. You might need to give yourself a "timeout" to prevent your hot buttons from taking over. If possible, take a break from the situation (go listen to music or do something physical if you can). If you can't leave the situation, slowly count to 10 or 20 (or higher if necessary) and focus on not taking the situation personally. "The key is to identify your emotional triggers and recognize them in the moment," says McManigle.

Name Your Hot Buttons

Want to know more about your emotional triggers or "hot buttons"? In its Foundations of Leadership program, CCL uses the Conflict Dynamics Profile, an assessment developed by the Management Development Institute of Eckerd College. The assessment includes a section on identifying hot buttons. A portion of this assessment is online: http://www.conflictdynamics.org/hot_buttons.shtml.

About Brenda McManigle
Brenda McManigle is responsible for the quality and delivery of the Foundations of Leadership program at CCL's San Diego, California campus. She also conducts needs assessment, instructional design and instruction for custom programs.